Chapter 1: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
What is one example of 'small stuff' you let get to you recently?
For as long as I can remember, I've only had my hair cut short twice. I normally just get a couple inches trimmed when needed, but this time, I decided to go for it and cut at least seven inches instead of my normal two. It happened a little while ago, but the second it was gone, I kept saying how I would never cut it short again. It really isn't that big of a deal, if I'm being honest. It's just hair, and it'll grow back. Unfortunately, that still didn't stop me from fretting over it all the time. It's such a small, trivial thing that won't matter in the long run, and I recognize that, but I can't help but be reminded of it every time I walk past a mirror. It's had almost a couple weeks to start growing out, but I still find myself getting slightly annoyed when I try to braid it. I'm so accustomed to long hair! But I've been making do, and I'm glad to say it doesn't really bother me anymore.
Chapter 2: Make Peace With Imperfection
How does your 'ego' distract you?
I both under and overestimate my capabilities. When it comes to school, I stress about whether or not I can do something, and I tend to let my worries and aversion to failure dictate a lot of my academic life. Occasionally, I'm sure of myself and my answers almost to a fault, but most of the time, not so much. It leads to a lot of time wasted over preparing for something I actually had under control in hindsight. I get so caught up in what I’m doing, making sure it’s my best work. While attention to detail is wonderful, it means I spend a lot of extra time perfecting things. I also recognize I can judge myself too harshly, and that I do compare myself to others, as hard as it is to admit. In some odd way though, it motivates me, because I look up to people and see something I want to grow to be. So I push myself, albeit sometimes too hard, but it’s gotten me where I am today, and I’ve found I can be content with that.
Chapter 3: Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers
Thoughts: "When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and concerns. It's thus easier to focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others."
I interpret the quote as prioritizing self-peace and contentment over materialistic things, because it's the key to being happy and letting go of unneeded stress. I find this relating to my life and how I've started accomplishing my goals. When I'm struggling to focus on homework or studying, I decide to do something I find excitement in, something that gets my brain pumped and my body moving. More often than not, the answer has been getting up and dancing around my room, singing along to songs. It's a simple way of me attaining that peace within myself, the carefree happiness of living life, but that doesn't mean it works any less. Having fun while doing something literally makes it more enjoyable to do, so I associate tasks with something entertaining, which is a win-win. I get the task done quicker, relieving me of stress, and can take a break without feeling guilty about it.
Chapter 4: Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking
Do you notice how your body and mind feel when your thinking is out of control?
I’ve noticed that sometimes with more stress, my skin worsens, and I feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained, which occasionally puts me in a ‘danger zone’ of needing to have a solid cry. And while those moments can be good, because it allows me to let go of emotions, it affects me physically as well. I feel more tired, my head starts hurting, and I lose motivation to get things done. So I’ve started taking a step back and just let myself consciously remember it’ll work out in the end. Key word is conscious. In my psych class we just went over that making a conscious effort to do something creates that habit, and it sticks as long as you continue to practice it. So long as I trust myself, and stop letting thoughts get out of control, I’ll be thriving. And that’s always the goal.
Chapter 5: Develop Your Compassion
Can you recall a time when you made something "big" and dramatic when in reality it was "small" and not that big of a deal?
So I understand it’s a normal thing to have acne, and to break out, but that doesn’t make it any less irritating to deal with. I was doing research on why certain areas of the face are affected, and learned that my stress levels could be affecting my skin. It unfortunately ruined the healing process from previous breakouts. My skin was just clearing up! So I fretted over it, yes, which actually made it slightly worse, then I decided to just let it go, because one: it’ll heal eventually, and two: it doesn’t even matter. It’s superficial. If I don’t let it bother me, it holds no importance in my life. And now, everything’s clearing up once again, so I hope I can keep up with not over worrying about things.
Chapter 6: Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty
What does your "in basket" look like? And will it be there tomorrow...
Oh my, do I have lists. School stuff, some for personal tasks, the shopping list throughout the week for groceries, and one I made for chores around the house. Mental lists of things that need to get done when I have no paper, lists for college ideas and goals, I even have a ten-year plan written up! It makes me feel organized. But I get that obsessing over getting things done isn’t living life, and so I’ve started to drop that. Now I write things down to remind myself, not to spend every single moment checking tasks off and reaching an 'end goal'. Ever since we’ve been doing book study and journals for leadership, I’ve really reflected on how I’m not making the most out of my life, nor am I valuing how precious it is. I’m not doing horrible, but I could be doing much better with just a few tweaks. And I’m adamant on doing so from here on out. While that includes keeping my lists, it means not letting them dictate life. After all, nothing's currently life or death. It'll still be here, waiting for me.
Chapter 7: Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences
Do you believe you are a strong listener, or could use some work?
I do believe that I am a strong listener, but everyone can always improve. I agree with the chapter: that interrupting others or finishing their thoughts is rude, but I’d like to add that it can also lead to miscommunication. When you speak for someone else, you find yourself assuming, because no one knows actually someone like themselves. Assumptions breed miscommunication, so I make a point to generally let others talk before I speak. Even when texting, if I can see the little icon showing me they’re writing their thoughts, I typically let people go first. I say generally and typically because I know I have interrupted people before, when my own thoughts were too much to keep to myself. However, I’ve always been more reserved than others, so it comes easier to me to be the listener in a conversation anyway. There’s times to be the talker in a conversation, but it should never come at the cost of interrupting another person.
Chapter 8: Do Something Nice For Someone Else - and Don't Tell Anyone About It
Recall a time you have given, did you expect acknowledgement?
I’d like to say I’ve never sought acknowledgement, but that’s not true. I’m sure it happened when I was younger. However, I can confidently say that I stopped seeking recognition early on. To me, giving is a gift. If you’re fortunate enough to give, it’s a wonderful feeling to do so, which I suppose makes me selfish to chase that feeling. It never has to be anything big. For example, I know there were countless times when someone would ask to borrow my notes, check homework with me, or put something in their bag, and that was giving, but prompted. The times I gave for the sake of giving, not seeking acknowledgement, were the times that truly stuck. I would offer to carry things, hole punch papers, and ask others if they wanted some of what I was snacking on (I’ve always got a snack or two). And even to this day, I remember feeling wonderful saving someone a trip to the front of the room when I offered to put our papers away.
Chapter 9: Let Others Have the Glory
Have you experienced someone else 'stomping' on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel?
Yes, I have experienced someone stomping on my stories. I used to be close friends with someone who was like this, and I suppose that might be part of the reason we’re not so close anymore. I do still consider us friends, because it’s hard to break that bond, considering it’s been through many years of our lives. But it made me feel absolutely horrible, like I wasn’t worth even one person’s attention. I would be interrupted a lot, and it felt like she wasn’t listening to me. A few times I don’t think she could help but blurt things out, but it became emotionally draining to engage in conversation with her, and we drifted apart.
Chapter 10: Learn to Live in the Present Moment
What are some ways that you work to stay in the present moment?
I try to relax and take a step back when I realize I’m starting to think too far ahead. Typically, I’ll do this by reading, taking a nap, or just leaving my room to go talk with my siblings to make sure I actually interacted with people instead of being cooped up in my room all day. Recently, I’ve found I’m much happier doing my work, due to me taking more breaks and not trying to turn in assignments days before they’re due. It means I leave it closer to the last minute, but I haven’t even stressed over that. Sometimes, I’m so relaxed, I work efficiently enough to turn it in early anyway. I’ve learned to trust my ability to get things done. It really helps me focus on the here and now while still keeping an eye on my future and the grades that can change it.
Chapter 11: Imagine that Everyone is Enlightened Except You
Think of a time you were frustrated, now look at it as a moment of being taught...what did you learn?
I get frustrated with my brother often, but can recognize it’s taught me many things. For one, patience, because it’s constantly a cycle of repeating myself until he actually does what he said he would do, like cleaning up after himself. But I’ve also learned to be more understanding. I know it’s not the best feeling in the world to have people not take you seriously just because you’re younger, and supposedly have things easier. It wasn’t too long ago I was actually his age, so I’ve learned to just be more accommodating, because he does have good intentions, even if he does stay glued to his games all day. I also put myself in his shoes, and recognize that I wouldn’t want my sister to pester me about something, and so I try not to pester him either.
Chapter 12: Let Others Be "Right" Most of the Time
Challenge: the next time you are in a discussion/argument, let the other person be right and take notice of the initial feeling that transpires.
I recognize that when I come out of a situation being “right”, it sometimes strokes my ego, depending on what it was about. It probably isn’t the best thing in the world, and one day when I was tired, I decided to try and fulfill this challenge by consciously trying to be less stubborn. I forgot the exact details of the situation, but I found myself not wanting to give so much energy to proving I was right, or proving the other person wrong, and just let it be. The feeling right after was me being somewhat upset I backed down, but I found myself being calmer not long after. It was like choosing to not fight relaxed my brain, which was nice. It also allowed me to spend that time I didn’t argue doing something more productive.
Chapter 13: Become More Patient
Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in this vast world and really your ‘drama’ isn’t that big a deal?
When I read stories and books, I'm reminded of a different perspective on life, and what some people go through everyday. It really helps me remember how fortunate my situation is. My surface level issues, like waiting to do the dishes because I don't want to do them at the moment, and then getting in trouble for that, pale in comparison to some issues in the books, like self harm. But also, there are times I’ll be worrying over something, or arguing with someone, and realize the outcome of the situation only affects the next five minutes or days of my life, which isn’t really that big of a deal. I have a whole life ahead of me, a whole world to explore, and when that sets in, I find myself letting go of issues and drama. And to add on to that, sometimes I think about how physically small I am compared to the world around me, like the trees, which helps remind me how large the world is.
Chapter 14: Create "Patience Practice Periods"
Do you have a “Mantra”, a statement, that you make to yourself daily or weekly?
I don’t say this daily or weekly, but I say it whenever I feel like I need it most. I just look in a mirror and basically tell myself, “You got this. You’re capable.” Sometimes there’s variations to make it more specific to whatever’s on my mind at the time, but that’s the gist. It’s refreshing to hear the words come out of my own mouth, because it’s like a physical show of self-confidence, something that I might not always have. Plus, it typically raises my mood and makes me feel more prepared to take on the world, which is really the goal behind saying it. I think I might just make it routine to say it every morning or night, as an affirmation of sorts. The more you say something, the quicker that habit develops, so if I'm constantly telling myself I'm capable, maybe it'll help me stay motivated. On the other hand, it might just inflate my ego, which would be the exact opposite of what I want.
Chapter 15: Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out
Have you lost a relationship because something “small” created a “big” divide?
I don’t think I’ve lost a relationship because of this, but there was a time of temporary tension between my sister and I. I’ve actually forgotten what it is by now, and it was only a few weeks ago, but I guess that goes to show just how unimportant it was. Whatever it was, we didn’t talk to each other most of the day, but I couldn’t deal with that, so I went to her room and apologized. I was absolutely in the wrong, and I recognized that, so I decided to go say sorry. And I felt much better after apologizing because I honestly can’t go long without talking to her. She apologized too, and everything was fine after that. But the temporary divide was unbearable. I will say, when I was the one to reach out first, it was almost like I could feel the character growth. I would do it again if history repeats itself, but I hope it doesn’t.
Chapter 16: Ask Yourself the Question, “Will This Matter a Year from Now?”
What do you hope to do a year from now?
For one, I hope to be Junior Class VP, but with COVID, I don’t even know how campaigning and elections will work. I also hope to have my driver’s license by then, hopefully with some months of experience under my belt. Fingers crossed. I hope to remain close to my current friends, and that COVID is finally over. I’ve heard that junior year is the worst for most people in high school, so I hope that I’m doing alright next year, and maybe even better than alright if I’m lucky. This is probably too much to ask for, but I hope I get a little taller. Even just a centimeter would be nice. It’s holiday season at this point, so I hope I’ve given back somehow, maybe with one of the gift trees around town. Last, and certainly not least, I hope I haven’t lost my romanticizing views and romantic self, because I can’t imagine how different I would be.
Chapter 17: Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn’t Fair
Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
I think life being “fair” is everyone getting what they put in. If someone put in so much extra work that wasn’t seen or acknowledged, they might finally get back just as much. But for others who claim to do lots, and only do half, they might see their benefits decrease, which would be fair. While this might be a better tit for tat situation, I don’t think life is meant to be fair. If it was, everyone would know they would face proper consequences, and I think some would change for the better, because they know they’ll finally be held accountable for their actions. But I also think others might not be as outspoken, because if life were “fair” then they could put faith in everything working out. They know they’ll get what they deserve, and might not work as hard to advocate for themselves. If life were fair, it’d also be predictable, and it wouldn’t be as fun and exciting, only bleak and typical.
Chapter 18: Allow Yourself to Be Bored
Do you take the time to be bored?
See, I thought I did, then Morty told me not quite. After some thought and reflection, I've come to the conclusion that I can’t be bored for the life of me, because I feel unproductive. Normally, after I finish what I need to do, I do take a step back. I relax, but evidently still occupy my mind, by reading, writing, etc. I never really considered it as actively doing something, because it was something I enjoy, but now I know it is. Even in the moments when I’m simply just romanticizing life, or admiring my surroundings, my mind is still working, processing the beauty of the world around me. As I said before, I don't feel right not doing something. I feel like I'm wasting precious time, or forgetting about some responsibility, or prior commitment. I don’t know if I can manage it, but after our class discussion, I promise to try to take the time and be bored.
Chapter 19: Lower Your Tolerance to Stress
Have you been taught to believe high stress is a positive thing?
I absolutely have. Maybe not directly, but we as a generation are pushed to be capable of handling high stress. It’s almost like an unsaid expectation that continues to grow, because we’ve been taught that the more stress you can handle, the better you are. It’s evident in speeches, actually. A lot of times, people will mention their busy schedule, and how they can balance so many things and so much stress, to get people to vote for them. I've been guilty of it, too. And because it’s continually enforced in our minds, we don’t know any better than to correlate our success with our capabilities of handling stress. Even as I try to say that handling high stress isn’t necessarily good, it feels bad of me to say, because I’ve thought it was for so long. We've also been taught to hold people in high esteem when they deal with so much stress and seem fine, but it's just that. They seem to be fine, but who knows if they actually are?
Chapter 20: Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter
When was the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
The last time I wrote a letter with gratitude was last semester when Morty had us write letters to people in our lives if we had limited days left. It was to my sister, but I never actually sent it to her, because I forgot about it. I doubt I’ll even send it to her now, just because there’s no context and it doesn’t make much sense. However, the feeling I got from writing it was great, other than the fact that I got emotional. However, I think that also could’ve been due to the time of the month, and the stress of the week. I would consider writing another letter, maybe to my friends this time. It’s a great feeling to write, and I’m sure it would be a great feeling to receive one, so I would love to send some. It’ll just be a matter of finding the time, but it shouldn’t be too hard, I definitely have ten minutes to spare a day. Plus, it can serve as a reminder of how much I appreciate the people in my life.
Chapter 21: Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral
If you could change anything right now about your life, what would it be?
I would spend more time cultivating a variety of hobbies. There’s always so much I want to do, and things I regret not doing sooner, and it generally has to do with how I spend my time. I have a hobby that keeps my mind alive, which is reading. But I wish I had developed a love for something active long ago, which could keep me physically healthy. I do yoga on and off, as well as running, and I just never do it long enough to develop a stable love for it. If I could, I would make an active hobby more integral in my life. I would also try to continue an artistic hobby, because after leaving band, I don’t find myself touching my flute as often. The piano has always been an on and off thing as well, but if I could change that, I would make sure I kept my musical side alive.
Chapter 22: Repeat to Yourself, "Life Isn't an Emergency"
Describe a time or moments in your life where you turn something into an emergency.
Anytime I do homework, anytime I study, anytime I take a test, I never fail to put time constraints on myself, grade expectations, and immense pressure. And for no reason, really. But it’s inevitable even when I try to avoid it, because it’s a habit I’ve developed. To me, the benefits of being a perfectionist overachiever are only found in the result, not the journey and struggle to get there. I do what I do for the A’s, and I know it’s an unhealthy cycle of striving for perfection to get there. It’s always pushing myself to the extreme, striving for the relief at passing. But I’ve come to terms with the A not mattering much in the grand scheme of things. I don’t need perfect grades to lead my version of a successful life, and that’s helped me a lot. Trust in myself has also helped. I know I can rely on that expectant part of me to eventually get things done, even if it’s a little obsessive and unhealthy, and it’s given me the chance to have mental breaks.
Chapter 23: Experiment with Your Back Burner
Analyze, "It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for."
This is a healthy way of handling stress, as it allows you to prioritize what needs the most immediate attention. You’re not disregarding an issue, just giving yourself more time to think about it, and I think that’s also an important step to take to prevent rushing into something. I can be impulsive sometimes, not with my schoolwork so much as my reading or writing. I tend to immediately get started instead of thinking about it, because I know that sometimes that creativity is fleeting, and it won’t last long enough if I put it on my back burner. But with school, I use my back burner all the time, especially during this year. When there’s so much stuff going on, it makes the most sense to do things in the order they’re due, rather than the order I want to do them in. Homework isn’t a creative process either, even for classes like AP Lang. It’s methodical, with memorization, watching videos, and filling out study guides. Anything that doesn’t require a large amount of creativity is the homework I put on my back burner, because I won’t have to find inspiration to complete it, just the motivation to get it done. And it ensures efficiency, because I can put off the work I need more thought to complete.
Chapter 24: Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank
Who is one person you would thank in this moment and why?
While it may seem cliché, I would thank my mom. She puts up with so much of my sass, my decisions, my opinions, and my random outbursts that it's amazing she's still standing. Sure we lose patience with each other sometimes, but it keeps things interesting. And at the end of the day, I know my mom loves me and she knows I love her. She's who I go to when I have a random story about one of her old students, or when I need money...just kidding. She's who I go to when I need a hug or mom advice, and she's the strong glue that holds our family together. She's some type of wonder woman, or extraterrestrial creature, but she's amazing. She's taught me everything I know, and fulfilled all my reasonable requests. My mom knows where to draw the line, and because of that, I didn't grow up spoiled, which is a whole thing in itself. But most of all, she's given me everything I need to succeed, including the confidence that I can do whatever I put my mind to.
Chapter 25: Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello
When you read this chapter, regarding eye contact & connect, what are your initial thoughts?
Initially I felt called out, because I tend to be shy around strangers. I was always raised to be extra cautious though, and that even looking at someone the wrong way could set them off and create a dangerous situation. Because of that and my natural shyness, I got into the habit of only glancing at strangers, just in case they weren't in the right state of mind and took my eye contact as a dare. Only recently have I started meeting people's eyes and doing the infamous "mask squint," but I think that's also because I've grown to be a more confident person. Now I do smile at strangers, but I haven't gotten to the point of greeting them yet, unless they're cashiers or I'm making small talk. However, at school I do greet people I'm even vaguely familiar with, because I know it could make someone's day better. I think it's important for us to remember that even the smallest acts make a difference, and looking someone in the eye really makes them feel heard.
Chapter 26: Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day
When do you find a quiet moment in your day, every day, just to be present and quiet? Do you? Or perhaps you don't...explain.
After the discussion in class, I realize I don't take the time to just be present, but I do take the time to feel more at ease. My hobbies don't necessarily help me be present, nor are they the most quiet of activities, but they make me happy, and that's enough for me to appreciate them. I enjoy reading, so much so that I read every night before falling asleep, or rather, when I should be sleeping. That's my "me time" every day, because while it doesn't make me feel peaceful, as I get heated over the events unfolding, it brings me so much joy that it puts me at ease with my life. I think it would take me a while to figure out how to take a step back from the bustle of life, because the schedule helps me find a sense of stability. Always having something to do is a constant in my life, which might be why reading is how I relax. I could never run out of things to read, whether it's on my phone or my bookshelf, and I enjoy getting lost in someone's life to distract from my own.
Chapter 27: Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants & as 100 Year Old Adults
Describe a time when you have been frustrated with someone, but you "let go" of the situation and moved forward with your life. How did that make you feel?
More often than not, my brother gets on my nerves. He’s stubborn like me, so when we clash and butt heads, it’s a little frustrating. Sometimes I keep fighting until he backs down, but other times I just let it go because there’s too much on my plate. The frustration doesn’t last long when I let it go, because my mind becomes occupied with other things like schoolwork or whatever book I’m reading. Like many things, it’s just in the heat of the moment, and when the irritation dies down I feel more calm. It made me feel like a better person too, because I was able to move past the issue rather than get hung up on it and potentially worsen a relationship.
Chapter 28: Seek First to Understand
Describe a situation where you didn’t seek to understand first. Was there resolution with this conflict?
While I don’t remember any situation off the top of my head, I do recall the feeling when I didn’t understand first. In the moment, I felt fine. I felt like I was being heard, and it felt nice to speak my mind. But after the fact, I felt guilty for talking over someone. Being a good listener is something I strive to be, and something I want to be able to pride myself on. I can’t pride myself on a skill I don’t practice, and that made me feel even worse. Because it’s not something I do very often, I don’t think it made a lasting impact on anyone, but it made me feel bad for a while. There was resolution to the conflict though, because it helped me remember why I want to be a better listener. Being heard is something people don’t always get to experience, and those situations helped me be more understanding, resolving my inner conflict.
Chapter 29: Become a Better Listener
Who is someone that you can genuinely talk to, that you know will listen to you? Describe this relationship.
Someone I can genuinely talk to is Gracie. We’ve known each other since the third grade, and we’re already similar as it is. We get along well, and she’s one of my closest friends. Whenever we talk, we give each other the needed attention, whether it’s through text or in person. I know that she’ll always listen to me, in the same way that I’ll always listen to her. Even just recently, she needed a distraction from something, so I immediately arranged a day for us. After talking about the situation at hand, I planned a day just for us to relax. We went to the movies, Barnes and Noble, and got some coffee. We had a sleepover, giggling like we were twelve and going to bed early because we were so exhausted. We know how to prioritize the other person, when to give them space, and when to give them advice. There’s a good balance we have between being brutally honest and infinitely supportive that makes us such great friends.
Chapter 30: Choose Your Battles Wisely
Describe a time when you “lost your shhh” and in reality it wasn’t worth the energy. How did you feel after the confrontation? Could it have gone differently if you didn’t sweat the small stuff?
I only “lose my shhh” when things have been building up, and the stress gets to me. Because of that, I don’t really remember any details. I block it out, which is kind of toxic, but nothing I can really fix because that’s an issue with memory. But what I do remember is the feeling afterward. Much like not listening, losing my “shhh” makes me feel guilty. I berate myself for not being able to keep it together. However, at the same time, I feel even worse because it actually makes me feel better. Losing my “shhh” is something of a stress reliever, but it tends to put me in a guilty mood for a while. It probably could’ve been avoided if I didn’t sweat the small stuff, but sometimes I think the build up is inevitable.
Chapter 31: Become Aware of Your Moods & Don't Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones
Explain a time you were in a bad mood and how it shaped your day. Vice versa, explain a time when you were in a great mood and discuss the day you had.
Being in a bad mood makes me irritated at everything, even something as small as someone breathing too heavily. It can lead to everyone around me being irritated, because I generally respond shortly, in an attempt to not take it out on anyone. However, because it can come across as rude, I tend to just continue having a bad day until I do something that makes me happy, like reading or watching cute videos. However, being in a great mood makes everything ten times better. I feel radiant and ready to take on anything the world throws at me, and tend to spend a lot of the day smiling, humming, and dancing around. Those are my most productive days, because I just move from one thing to the next, not letting anything get me down.
Chapter 32: Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test.
As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with right now. Explain your emotions and logic behind this station. Can you rise above it?
I get that the idea behind the chapter was to let go, but I never see tests like that. When I take a test, I hold myself to a harsh standard as soon as that word is thrown around. Maybe it’s the trauma of my academic career, but I will never sit through a test and feel at ease. There’s always something to double check and more often than not, changing a billion answers from right to wrong. I’m always paranoid, so I can’t see myself successfully applying this idea to my life. I really think it would do more harm than good. If I had to though, I would apply it to the next month to see how well I deal with the stress, even if I’ve already gone through multiple periods like this. Personally, even if I tried to be more laid back about it, thinking of the next month as a test makes it so unnecessarily tense. As soon as it’s a “test,” I expect perfection instead of humanity. However, if I think about the next month as my normal life instead, it’s easier for me to deal with any stress that comes up. Honestly, I don’t think I can rise above that perspective any time soon because of where I am in my schooling, but maybe it could change in the future.
Chapter 33: Praise and Blame Are All the Same
You will not please everyone…how does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
I’ve always been a people pleaser, and it’s actually gotten better over the years, especially this last year. However, there's still a part of me that strives to help and appease the people around me, which means the statement makes me disappointed. The rational side of me knows that I will never please everyone, but the optimist in me always tries. I think about it as trying and failing, rather than standing by and not trying at all. To me, giving that effort is at least worth something, even if it won’t always help the people around me. When it comes to how we interact with people, I think we focus on the negative rather than the positive because we’re scared to be happy. In the world we live in, nothing is guaranteed, least of all happiness. To lose something you love will probably hurt harder than just another mean phrase, and so we stick to the phrase because we know how to cope with it. I also think that it’s easier for us to point out the bad and wallow in self pity rather than cherish the life around us, but maybe that’s just a hot take.
Chapter 34: Practice Random Acts of Kindness
Describe a time when you completed RAK and how did it make you feel?
While my top love language is apparently quality time, I love giving to people. I like giving people gifts, whether it’s in the form of food, clothes, or books. During Homecoming, I bought donuts for all the people who were involved in our class dance, but I had a few leftovers. I didn’t know what to do with them, so I left it in Van Vuren’s classroom. By the time my AP Bio class rolled around, I realized I could give it to my classmates. I had enough to give everyone one, and I enjoyed it very much. It made me feel better about not wasting the donuts, and that I was able to give people something to look forward to. It was a lovely little surprise for everyone that period, including me. The feeling of being helpful was just what I needed during that stressful week.
Chapter 35: Looking Beyond Behavior
In your own words, describe the meaning of Loving-Kindness.
I think the meaning of loving-kindness is taking the time to consciously be a little more understanding and empathetic. It’s being able to realize that there’s more going on with someone that we can see, so we shouldn’t jump to the wrong conclusions so hastily. We can never know everything about someone’s life, including the situation that might have caused them to act a certain way. However, that doesn’t mean you make excuses for them. People will make mistakes or say something unkind even in the right state of mind, but that’s part of being human and having emotions. To judge them off of their mistakes rather than the effort they make to remedy them is the exact opposite of what loving kindness is supposed to be. Loving-kindness is a viewpoint that recognizes that people are people, and they’re more than their present behaviors and actions.
Chapter 36: See the Innocence
What occurs when we practice compassion toward others and let go of “their” story, rather than be caught up in the drama of a situation?
For one, I think you have to be more than just compassionate, because it also has to do with knowing when to butt in and when to mind your business. The world doesn’t revolve around you, so when you realize that there’s really no point to insert yourself into a narrative you don't belong in, things will get a little less stressful. But I do think when you can take a step back from a situation and see that it’s not as important in the long run, it makes you a happier person in the end. You have less stress and pressure on you to do something in a situation where nothing needs to be done. Just recently actually, I was dealing with something similar. There was a situation where I felt strongly in the moment, and worried about it way too much at the start. After talking to a friend about it, I realized that there was no need for me to stress myself out too much with a situation that I couldn’t even control. It wouldn't affect me five years down the road, so why should I give it so much control over my life now?
Chapter 37: Choose Being Kind Over Being Right
Define equanimity. Do you practice this in your life? Look to your Ego first before you answer…
Equanimity is like your mental equilibrium, or being in a state of peace. While I try to practice being kind before anything else, I do have my moments. I wouldn’t be human without them. I’ve made my siblings cry before, said rude things to my parents, and let my behavior with my friends become too cold simply because I get too hard headed sometimes. I am such a stubborn person, and it rarely works in my favor. There are times I’m genuinely right and I need my stubbornness to make sure that gets across, like during a group project in class. My grades are very important to me, you see. But other times, when it doesn’t matter as much, I’m still pretty stubborn. The power trip of making sure the other person knows I’m right has been too sweet to pass up sometimes, but I can say in hindsight that it doesn't help maintain equanimity. Even as I write this out, I feel like a terrible person for ever doing something like that in my life. Because of that, I try to practice kindness more regularly. It’s starting to be more like second nature to prioritize that, but there’s always room for improvement.
Chapter 38: Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them
In picking 3 people, who would you choose and why them?
It’s a no-brainer for me to choose my mother, sister, and brother. I was contemplating choosing my three closest friends, but then I realized that I communicate my love for them a lot more than I do so with my family, who deserves to hear it just as much. While I don’t always find myself enjoying the presence of said family, I wouldn’t be who I am today without their impact on my life. My mom has guided my moral compass since birth and is someone I know will always be in my corner. My sister has been my best friend since I can remember, and she’s leaving so soon that I might start to cry if I think too much about it. And my brother is the one who made me an older sister, which is something I cherish more than he knows. With all of them, we have our ups and downs, but the bond and genuine love for each other is something I’m so grateful for. I know not everyone is fortunate enough to have that type of support at home, if any at all, and I need to be better at voicing my appreciation of it.
Chapter 39: Practice Humility
Describe a time when you saw an individual or a group lack humility. How did that make you feel about said individual/group?
When I see someone lacking humility, I start to perceive them in a negative light. I don’t automatically flip a switch and decide they’re a horrible person, because I have no right to make that judgment, much less so quickly, but it lowers the regard I hold them in. I think a cocky, arrogant person is one of the worst types of people, because it hints at selfishness and always trying to one up people. When someone exhibits these traits, I don’t want to be around them or even associate with them, because I don’t see any point in constantly trying to put others down just to make yourself feel better. For one, you should be focused on bettering yourself, not ruining others. And two, it takes more work to be a conceited, rude jerk than to be a kind human being. Humility keeps people in line, but it’s not something that can be taught in a classroom, and that’s why I think it shows a lot about a person. People who refuse to change and help themselves become more humble are people I don’t want to be around, and they just disappoint me.
Chapter 40: When in Doubt about Whose Turn It Is to Take Out the Trash, Go Ahead and Take It Out
What is your perspective/opinion of this article? Valid, or a waste of time?
While I do agree that it’s important to allow small things to slide, because they don’t really matter in the long run, I don’t think there’s harm in keeping track of what you do. Just like most things in life, it depends on how you do it, and if you do it in moderation. I know that schedules and lists help many people, myself included. It may seem like keeping track of your tasks to compare them with others, but there’s no harm in keeping lists as long as you do it for the right reasons. Lists are useful to stay on track, and sometimes they help you remember even the mundane things like taking out the trash. As long as the lists don’t become a comparison between your life and someone else’s, and you maintain a focus on their true purpose, there’s nothing wrong with them.
Chapter 41: Avoid Weatherproofing
Do you Weatherproof? Explain.
I have such a tendency to Weatherproof it’s kind of sad. I’m always trying to brace myself and prepare for the worst, despite also trying my best to stay positive and hope that the worst won’t happen. It’s a push and pull that I go through every day, because I always want to be prepared but I also hate having negative thoughts constantly flying through my brain. The only way to prepare though, is to go through all those negative scenarios. It’s a bit of a toxic trait of mine, because it keeps negative possibilities lurking in the back of my mind. I try to prepare for something that might not even happen, and it results in me having trust and attachment issues. I don’t voice any of those types of thoughts, because I have no right to do so, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there. Especially as I prepare to go to college, all the possible scenarios are running through my head, because I want to be prepared.
Chapter 42: Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love
Who do you choose to send love to at this moment?
At this moment, I choose to send love to my closest friends. Part of the reason we’re all friends is because we’re similarly minded, which helps me know that each and every one of them is hard on themselves in a different way. For one, it’s more academic than anything, and striving for unattainable perfection. For another it’s keeping everyone happy, at the expense of herself. A few of them shoulder familial responsibilities and drama, handling the card life dealt them. And another one in particular throws her body to the ground every two seconds. But they’re all amazing people who I love and adore. Just thinking about everyone and our shared memories makes me happy, so I want to return the favor and send love to them. They’re some of my favorite people in the whole world, and the people I go to for comfort. While sending love won’t do anything in actuality, it does remind me to voice my love for them, and hopefully share some of the happiness they bring me.
Chapter 43: Become an Anthropologist
Reflect on the following: “judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be.”
I am a firm believer in that you will always subconsciously make a judgment of someone. Whether it’s because of the way I was raised or the people I grew up around, I have slowly but surely adopted that mindset. While judgment has a negative connotation, having this perception isn’t necessarily bad. It’s just your first impression of something based on past experiences, and I feel like it’s unavoidable. However, it’s the conscious decision to act on that judgment that will affect you more. If you hold onto a perception and never move past it, you’ll be unhappy and spend more time and energy holding onto your unchanging belief. On the other hand, if you choose to grow your judgment of someone as you get to know them, you’ll be happier and more available to focus on your own goals. You won’t be pulled away from your aspirations, and you won’t be a total jerk.
Chapter 44: Understand Separate Realities
Why is it important to see the differences amongst one another in our small intimate circle to cultures around the world?
Seeing and accepting differences in an intimate circle is like a microcosm of how you’ll live when you face it in the larger world. When you consciously acknowledge the differences you share with others, it helps you lead a kinder life. You become more accepting, compassionate, and empathetic, which is great for you and the people around you. Being aware of differences is the first step to understanding someone else, and it prevents you from being too self-centered or arrogant. Your way isn’t the right way, nor is it the only way. It’s a great reminder of the many perspectives and methods to do things, which is helpful when learning about other cultures in the world. It helps with humility and also broadens your perspective, as you become more accustomed to expecting differences rather than to hate on them or suspect them. Practicing this on a small level, with your friends and peers, helps to become more culturally aware as well.
Chapter 45: Develop Your Own Healing Rituals
What are some ways that you can help the spread of kindness towards others?
One great way to spread some kindness is to simply keep a smile on your face. Positivity is infectious and maintaining it within yourself can help people stay positive as well. When people see someone smiling, it can serve as a wonderful reminder that they’ll manage to move past whatever is plaguing their life. It can inspire them and even make them happy, and it’s all in the power of a smile. Another way to spread kindness is to do small things like hold the door open or take the time to say hello. Sometimes people can feel ignored or forgotten, and these gestures can help remind them that they’re important and loved. Even just being mindful of what you say to others can help spread kindness, as the smallest compliment can make someone’s day.
Chapter 46: Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them
Give someone a compliment via text message or DM. Who did you choose and how did it make you feel to support another person?
I chose to text Kenz that she’s amazing and inspires me to work as hard as she does because it’s so true and not something I say every day. Even after knowing her for so long, saying things like that isn’t the norm in our relationship. Telling her that made me get super giddy and smiley, partially because I got to watch her reaction in real time. Making people happy is what makes me happy, and seeing a smile bloom across her face truly made my day. I had been moping around, mildly stressed about my tests, but that small act reminded me that things truly are not that serious. The real important things are the people we have in our lives, and we should make sure to cherish them more often.
Chapter 47: Argue for Your Limitations, and They’re Yours
Discuss a time when you had self doubt and set limitations on yourself. How did you or how can you change this behavior?
I doubted whether or not I would pass my tests today, and stressed out throughout the day. I didn’t believe that I would be able to sit still, and I was right, which made me doubly stressed out. I already resigned myself to the fate of not doing as well, and I think doing that is what made me second guess myself and my answers. I took the tests back to back, and I did manage to pass one of them, but not with the grade I wanted. I won’t find out about the other one for another couple of weeks probably, but I got through it. It’s not the end of the day for me to get a B on a test, even if I already know I’m retaking it. A way for me to change this behavior is to remember that no matter what, the time will pass and I’ll get through it.